Leave out all the rest
by aivana
Summary: This story was originally titled "Many faces of KT" which sums up what it's going to be about. A Kelly Taylor POV story, vaguely following the storyline of BH90210, but largely AU.


_A/N: Starts somewhere towards the end of season 3 and largely AU since then. Rated M._

**Picture one - Falling apart**

Playing with the still packed razor blade in her hand, Kelly couldn't stop wondering how easy it would be. With her mom and Mel otherwise occupied, they wouldn't find her until the morning, maybe a bit later...by then it would be too late, she would be gone for good.

Staring at it again, she threw it into the corner. She was coward to do anything like that. Maybe some people would appreciate it, few names immediately came to her mind.

Would they miss her? This question kept hunting her and she couldn't figure out the answer. Her mother, father, boyfriend, friends...would anyone even miss her? Her mother had a new partner and a new daughter that occupied her most of the time. Her father...he never cared, last time didn't even had the decency to let her know he cancelled his visit letting some stupid assistant call her telling her how sorry he was. Dylan... He told her he choose her, he wanted to be with her...but did he really love her? Probably not...the second she'd be gone, he'd be back with Brenda. How it should be...her subconscious added. Her friends? They'd forget about her, not right away but they would the same way they forgot about Scott Scanlon the shy guy who used to drag along with David, she was surprised she still even remembered his name.

Maybe they wouldn't even notice she'd be gone. Up until now no one noticed how unhappy she was. If they looked better they would see it. They'd notice the emptiness in her eyes, the longing for love and being loved she felt ever since she could remember. Real love, not just the physical one...that was what she and Dylan had...physical love. The physical attraction was what got them together and what kept them together, she was no longer fooling herself. She thought it was love at first. Maybe it was time to take a bow, walk away and let the royal couple reign again.

She has been in love once, but he told her she was like a sister. Freaking sister, during the years she heard many insults coming her way, this one hurt. She knew he never meant to hurt her, there was no maliciousness in Brandon Walsh. He had no idea what his words during the Spring dance have done to her. He had no idea that with a simple sentence he had blown up all the air castles she's been building. He had no idea, no one had.

Maybe she should talk to a shrink, that's something her mother would do. Whatever happened to you, you just called your shrink, like he could miraculously solve all your problems. What would she tell him? That she wanted to be loved? That she wanted people to value her for more than just her looks? She looked at the razor blade that was now laying on the floor near the window. It would be too easy, standing up she picked it from the floor her fingertip running over the side of the packing where the sharp blade was. Without another thought she slipped the package into her desk.

It was time to stop feeling sorry for herself. Time to go out and win her own fights, get rid of the people in her life that made her unhappy. It was time to feel happy again. With that thought she slipped under the warm sheets, falling asleep almost immediately.

**Picture two - Sex with the ex**

"Oh fuck! Dylan!" Kelly screamed as the orgasm ripped through her making her lose sense and direction. She felt his hot sweaty body land on her trying to recover as well, even with lack of love their sex was mind-blowing. Trying to catch her breath she moaned again when he had withdrawn from her, rolling off the used condom and throwing it on the floor before he rested on his back breathing heavily. Oh, so romantic.

She came there an hour ago ready to break up with him, but they didn't get that far yet. It still made her wonder if this actually counted as sex with the ex. If it did, heck she was going to miss him.

**Picture three - No regrets**

Walking out of the front door she felt free for the first time in months. What went on inside wasn't pretty, scratch it, the sex was awesome, the break up afterwards not so much. As ugly as it was, it had to be done. She was sure that in not so distant future he'll share the same sentiments.

They were not soul mates and they were not destined to be together. She could see it now wondering how she could ever thought otherwise. Summer fling...yeah, maybe...but that's where it should have ended before everything just got complicated. She hated complications, going with flow was much more her thing.

Getting into the car she thought for a second about all the pain she inflected on Brenda. They used to be best friends, now they rarely talked anymore...no wonder...she took away her boyfriend. Now she dumped him. She was not expecting a thank you card...but felt a small satisfaction that at least at some point she walked away knowing their relationship had no future. Maybe Brenda and Dylan will get together again...that would be a good thing, she decided.

Turning the key in ignition she drove away, closing another chapter in her life.

**Picture four - Count your losses**

This was a novelty, Brenda Walsh screaming at the top of her lungs in the filled hallway of West Beverly High...the subject...Dylan McKay. She couldn't remember so much rage even after she and Dylan told her about their fling, it felt ironical that it was coming now, once she walked away from him.

She always knew Brenda had a flair for drama and today she was at her best. Only half listening what her former best friend had to say, she stood there a smirk plastered on her face, probably the one thing that made Brenda level up her performance.

Once she walked away from Dylan's house previous afternoon, it ws clear the news will hit everyone sooner or later. But she had to admit the speed had surprised her. News traveled fast and the rage just confirmed that even "after Kelly" Dylan and Brenda were going to do just fine. They had to, there was no other outcome in her mind.

When it came to her...she will just count her losses and move on. Wasn't it what a royal bitch always did? If you asked anyone standing there they would whole heartily agree, although they had no idea who she was. Not wanting to listen to anything more Brenda had to say, she slammed the door of her locker closed and moved through the small crowd that gathered there, heading for another class.

**Picture five - Heartbreak hotel**

He was heartbroken...the fact still captivated her even a week after she ended things with him. She never allowed to admit to herself that he was with her because he actually loved her. Not the sex, not her face, not her body...he loved HER. The whole concept so unknown to her.

Why would he do that? Now that she knew, she felt guilty, she hurt him when all she wanted was set him free. When did she became the same person as her parents? Manipulative, selfish, heartless...she never wanted to be like that. Has the ever going search for love made her numb to it? Was that even possible?

Feeling her chest tighten she opened the draw pulling the razor blade out again. How would that feel? Would it hurt? She shook her head, this did not feel right. Returning it back to its earlier place she closed the draw looking at her pale tear streaked face in the mirror.

She felt blank...empty...scared...confussed... Looking at the picture in the mirror once again she ran...away from everything.

**Picture six - Someone to lean on**

She had no idea how she got there. She was just running for what felt like hours before she ended in the corner box of Peach Pit. Now it was already after the closing hours and she was watching Brandon as he tidied the place. In between his work he sat there listening to her. She told him everything, the good, the bad and the ugly. He listened...not judging her, just trying to understand the many faces of Kelly Taylor.

She couldn't remember a guy listening to her for that long...usually they were only after one thing. This was different...he was different...if only he did not think about her as his sister.

Sighting she dipped the straw back into her chocolate milkshake missing the worried look Brandon gave her. Turning the straw in circles she allowed herself to dream how different the things would be if they actually got together during the Spring dance. There would be no Dylan...no heartache...she would be still friends with Brenda...this whole mess would have never happened. But none of that mattered now, she was not able to turn back time and do things differently and moreover it was not possible to change someone's feelings. She sighed again looking into her glass like it could miraculously solve all her issues.

"I'll drive you home." Came Brandon's voice. She nodded absently letting go of her milkshake, the confusion she felt when she run away from there hours ago remained, but at least she learned that there was one guy ready to listen to her.

**Picture seven - Grounded**

She was grounded. Heck, she had no idea Jackie Taylor even had that word in her vocabulary. This meant that she actually cared, which was a novelty. Maybe her newest marriage actually had some positive effect on her, that would be a nice change. Flopping down on the bed she buried her head in the pillows. What was she going to do with so much time? No TV, no phone, no dates, no friends...she smirked upon the last one...nevertheless this was going to be a long week.

Grabbing the newest edition of Seventeen magazine from her bed table she browsed through it aimlessly. _How to get a guy to like you_, that title catched her attention. Reading through the contents she laughed loudly, that was something that would work with guys like Steve Sanders. Throwing the magazine on the floor near the bed she rested on her back staring into the ceiling.

She was tired of guys like Steve or Dylan. Scratch Dylan, she bit her lip, he was different. Despite all his unpredictability and moodiness he was not using her and she was not using him even thought it might have seem otherwise. Yet, she figured out she'd rather be alone than in a relationship with someone whom she didn't love with all her heart. He deserved better, they both did.

Slowly her thoughts wandered to Brandon, the boy scout, gentleman...the complete opposite of Steve and Dylan. Three years back boys like him were not even on her radar...now she couldn't get him out of her head. Did that mean that she was changing? Valuing herself more? Whatever it meant he was constantly in her thoughts, especially after their last night talk.


End file.
